I'm Not Lazy, I Have a Sleep Disorder (Idiopathic Hypersomnia)

It's extremely challenging to go at a slow pace when the whole world seems to move at breakneck speed.

One of the greatest insults you can probably call an American is "lazy." In the great country of capitalism, where hustling and grinding is not only accepted but expected (my European friends who get a month of vacation time, what???) going slow is equated with laziness and probably stupidity.

Before my idiopathic hypersomnia diagnosis

Before being diagnosed with idiopathic hypersomnia, I had a lot of shame around sleep and rest. I felt guilty for slowing down, for listening to my body, and often glamorized the tired, dark-circles-under-my-eyes, sluggish aesthetic.

But as most of us have learned, when you don't slow down and rest, your body forces you to. And that is exactly what mine did.

Why sleep matters with IH more than we admit

The American Academy of Sleep Medicine advises that adults get 7–9 hours of sleep per night. For teenagers, this is 8–10 hours, and for kids, 9–11 hours.

More and more medical professionals have identified that chronic sleep deprivation is linked to higher risk of cardiovascular disease, metabolic conditions, cancer, and mental health and neurological conditions. Sleep is so important, yet society still pounds in this idea that rest, sleep, and slowing down are not acceptable.

Of course, those of us with IH know that our sleep isn't always restful, but we are not exempt from the stigma of needing a lot of it. So how do we, as those with idiopathic hypersomnia, work to dismantle the stigma and shame of needing 11+ hours of sleep?

Dismantling the shame around IH

I think it starts with talking about it and pushing back on the all-or-nothing, black-and-white narrative that if you prioritize adequate rest, you can't be successful.

So much of my own education around IH is dismantling the stories I once told myself. Am I a sleepy, lazy person? No. Am I a person with a diagnosed sleep disorder who needs more sleep than the average person? Maybe. Is that my fault? Probably not. Does that make me a "bad" person? No, just one with permanent bed head.

So why can't I be successful and care for my body in the way it needs me to? What do I actually want to prioritize? Do I even like the taste of Red Bull and espresso shots?

I remember one time telling a friend about how much sleep I was getting and how I was struggling with feeling like I wasn't accomplishing what I should. She scoffed, "Madison, you have such a warped perception of what you believe someone is supposed to accomplish in one day." Touché.

I've also noticed that the more I beat down my body and mind for taking what it needs, the more it seems to double down, stubbornly, as if to say: "Oh really? You want to shame your organs for trying to rest after keeping you alive?"

Learning to accept what my body needs

I can't undo the years of ingrained belief that I should be working investment banking hours in order to "make something of myself," but I can start by being realistic and pushing back.

I'd encourage anyone to start there. Why are you being so hard on yourself? What if you just accepted your body's cues? What then?